


Trouble When You Walked In

by hapakitsune



Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Humor, Implied Relationships, Other, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-19
Updated: 2013-01-19
Packaged: 2017-11-26 00:46:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/644700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hapakitsune/pseuds/hapakitsune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We should start a club," Enjolras says. "The 'Marius Pontmercy Is A Devious Flirt We Have Unwittingly Given Our Hearts To' Club."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trouble When You Walked In

**Author's Note:**

> Ostensibly for xiimonths prompt "pining." Characters are sort of based on the representations in the 2012 production, but various details are kind of pulled from all over. The idea of DJ Enjolras comes from the very delightful twitter @djenjolras.
> 
> Further note: I never claimed to be highbrow.

The Marius and Cosette Affair, as Enjolras likes to call it when he's being particularly maudlin, begins with eyes meeting across a crowded student protest.

"We should have put a stop to it there," Enjolras moans over his fourth glass of wine. Éponine refills his glass and pats his arm before pouring herself a very large glass. 

"We were not quick enough," Éponine agrees. "He was over there before we could stop him."

"Marius Pontmercy," sighs Enjolras. "Am I really in love with someone with such a fucking stupid name? And someone who is stupid enough to fall for the _daughter_ of the _Dean of Students_?"

"Ugh, I know," Éponine groans, and she lays her head down on her arms. 

"We should start a club," Enjolras says. "The 'Marius Pontmercy Is A Devious Flirt We Have Unwittingly Given Our Hearts To' Club."

"Seems a bit long," Éponine says. "Although I'm sure we would have many, many members."

"So many members," he moans, and he buries his face in his hands. 

Grantaire throws a beer-soaked napkin at them and yells, "Shut up about Marius fucking Pontmercy, no one wants to hear about your Three's Company drama!"

"Go back to Canada, Grantaire!" Éponine yells back.

Enjolras decides that it would be for the best if they made a graceful exit now before Jeanette is forced to throw them out again. Wavering a little on his feet, he grabs Éponine's arm, his glass of wine, and the bottle before dragging her upstairs towards his apartment. 

She goes with little protest and flops onto his bed with a heavy sigh. "We," she announces, voice slightly muffled by his pillow, "need to go out and meet new people."

Enjolras sits at his desk and pours himself some more wine before passing her the bottle. "We meet plenty of people."

"People who aren't in the ABC," Éponine amends, rolling onto her back. "Otherwise you're going to end up giving into Grantaire's unsubtle, intense glares of lust."

Enjolras shudders and leans back in his chair. "I don't think it's too late for Marius."

"I do," Éponine says miserably. "She's blonde, Enjolras. There's no coming back from that."

"I'm blonde," Enjolras points out. "Kind of."

"Not blonde enough," Éponine says darkly. 

They finish the bottle not long later, and Éponine volunteers to go down to beg another one off Jeanette. After that, things get a bit hazy. 

 

"How drunk _were_ we last night?" Enjolras asks fuzzily, staring at the piece of paper labeled, **Reasons Marius Pontmercy Is A Dick And Not Worth Our Time**.

"Very, very drunk," says Éponine, burying her face in his pillow. "Go away, you're too loud."

"'Number One'," he reads. "'Ginger.' Éponine, this list has _thirty bullet points_."

"Clearly it's a sign," Éponine says. "That we have terrible, terrible taste in men."

There's a light knock on his door. Enjolras yells, "It's open," and Jeanette comes in a moment later with two plastic bags of take-out. 

"I come bearing gifts," she says indulgently. "Figured you'd need this today."

"Bless you," says Enjolras, reaching out. Éponine rolls off the bed and thuds to the ground. "Apologies for her."

"It's too _early_ ," Éponine wails. 

"What's that?" Jeanette asks, pointing at the list. Enjolras sighs and hands it over. Jeanette's eyes go wide; then she starts to giggle. Then she starts to cackle, full-throated and _evil_. "Oh my god," she says. "Can I hang this in the bar?"

"No!" Éponine and Enjolras shout at the same time. 

"Oh man," Jeanette says, ignoring both of them completely. "I need to frame this. I know just where to put it."

"Jeanette," protests Enjolras, but she's already out the door with the list in hand. 

"I really hope Marius doesn't see that," Éponine says, reaching for the bag of take-out. 

Of course, when they go downstairs, they find that Jeanette has hung the damn thing on the wall at the end of the bar. Grantaire is reading it with great interest, eyes narrowed behind the stupid hipster glasses he absolutely does not need. 

"'Number Seven,'" he reads when he sees them. "'He does not even have the decency to be a jerk; he is disgustingly polite. And he isn't even Canadian.'" Grantaire arches his eyebrows at them. 

"Shut up," sighs Enjolras. 

"Marius Pontmercy, though?" Grantaire asks. 

"Shut _up_ ," Enjolras and Éponine say in unison.

"You've seen the girl he's with now, haven't you?" Grantaire asks, smirking and leaning against the wall. "Rich girl, pretty little thing?"

"I haven't met her," Éponine says. "Is she awful?"

"No," Grantaire says, "she's really rather nice."

"Fuck," says Éponine. 

"She _is_ very pretty," Enjolras says. "She started showing up to ABC events a few weeks ago. You know, the ones you've been skipping."

"Some of us came to college to get a degree, not to smash the system," Éponine says. "Not that I don't want to smash the system," she adds hurriedly when Enjolras stares at her. 

"Good," Enjolras says. He narrows his eyes at her suspiciously. Éponine stares back, eyes wide and guileless. He nods and turns to look at Grantaire. "Do you think she's just coming to meetings for Marius?"

"I think a lot of people come to meetings for Marius," Grantaire says blandly. He taps the list. "Numbers eleven, seventeen, and twenty-four – 'Annoyingly beautiful'."

"We didn't write that three times, did we?" Enjolras asks, leaning forward. 

Grantaire snorts and says, "No wonder we never get anything done at meetings."

 

Enjolras goes to the radio station at half past four to start his show, still mildly hungover and bitter. His opening monologue, which had originally been about the unjust tuition levels, goes off the rails less than fifteen seconds in, and by the end he's ranting about people who join causes just to be cool. He stops, breathing hard, and sees the radio station manager glaring at him through the glass. He gives her a thumbs up and says, "And this is our first song tonight, in honor of my friend Éponine – Taylor Swift's _I Knew You Were Trouble_."

He gets up and goes out of the booth, smiling forcedly at the manager. "Sorry," he says. "Got carried away."

"Enjolras, we've talked about this," Mrs. Bougon says disapprovingly. "You know we don't mind you sharing your opinions, but you promised us no more rants."

"I'll refrain in the future," Enjolras lies. They share a look of mutual understanding; Mrs. Bougon can't find a replacement and Enjolras is absolutely terrible at not going on rants, but she has to say it or risk Javert scolding her for "inciting trouble," like that time Enjolras called for a rally in the dining hall. 

(It had been a surprisingly good rally; he had stood on the table with their red flag and shouted about unjust tuition and unfair favoritism, and they had all managed to disperse before Javert got the doors down. All things considered, Enjolras saw it as a success.)

"Just – keep it light," Mrs. Bougon says, and Enjolras nods before ducking inside the booth to play his usual mix of 60s protest music and indie music that is as obscure as it is pretentious. If he has to work for the Man, he is going to at least rebel a little. 

He works on his paper on Bolshevism for the rest of his shift before going back to the bar. He splits a bottle of wine with Grantaire, which the two of them drink in stubborn, sullen silence, and then he goes off to sulk in his favorite booth at the back of the bar. 

The Anarchy Before Capitalism club has no official meeting times, as Enjolras believes this would fundamentally clash with the point of the club, and mostly meetings happen when five or six of them all end up at the bar at the same place (Thursday nights at nine being the particular favorite). Generally, people seem to know where to find Enjolras, so he thinks the system works fine. 

He rethinks the system the moment he spots a very besotted-looking Marius making a beeline for him. Over the edge of the booth, he sees Grantaire smirking at him, and he flips him off. 

"Hi," Marius says breathlessly, throwing himself into the seat across from Enjolras. "Hi, sorry I've been AWOL recently."

"We don't have check-ins," Enjolras says stiffly, very carefully avoiding looking Marius in the eyes. He's too prone to giving into Marius when he does that. 

"Even so." Marius reaches out and grabs Enjolras's hand. That, Enjolras remembers, is number sixteen – "Blatant disregard for personal space."

"What is it?" Enjolras asks, trying to pull his hand away without being too obvious about it.

"I, um," says Marius, looking flustered now. "Well, you know Cosette –"

"Your girlfriend," Enjolras supplies. 

Marius goes bright red. "She's not – well, it's – um. Yes. You know who she is. And I, um, would like you and Éponine to meet her. And Grantaire and the others, I guess," he adds, as an afterthought. 

"Why?" Enjolras asks bluntly. 

"She's interested in the ABC club," Marius says. "And I think you'd like her. Just – let's go out for dinner, the four of us, all right?" He looks as though he's just a few moments away from fluttering his eyelashes, which must be the reason Enjolras does the unthinkable and says, "Sure."

 

"You did _what_?" Éponine hisses once Enjolras has conned her to the restaurant he and Marius had agreed on. "Why didn't you tell me _before_ we got here?"

"Because I knew you'd come up with an excuse not to come if I did that, and there's no way in hell I'm doing this by myself," Enjolras says. He flags down the bartender and says, "Two glasses of your house red."

"Liquoring me up isn't going to make this better," Éponine says, but she takes the glass anyway. "What on earth made you think this was a good idea?"

"He made eyes at me," Enjolras says grumpily. 

They get through two glasses of wine apiece before Marius and Cosette show up, the two of them looking like a disgustingly well-adjusted yuppie couple. Enjolras downs the rest of his third glass of wine and says grimly, "Showtime." 

Éponine looks over, gasps, and then seizes Enjolras's arm in a death grip. "Oh my god," she breathes. "I didn't – it's her, it's definitely her."

"Who, Cosette?" Enjolras asks, confused. "Yes, I told you –"

"No," Éponine says. "I mean, yes, but – I knew her when I was small. I didn't think it could be the same Cosette, but it's definitely her."

'What?" Enjolras frowns at her. "What do you mean?"

Just then, Cosette spots them across the restaurant and her eyes go very wide. "Éponine?" she calls. "Éponine Thenardier?"

Éponine plasters on a ghastly smile. "Cosette! How is your mother?"

"Oh, you know," Cosette says, waving vaguely. "I think she's doing research at a yoga retreat in Nepal right now." She turns to Marius. "When I was very young, before Papa and Mama got married, my mother used to leave me with the Thenardiers while she was at work."

"Oh god, I was _awful_ to her," moans Éponine. "And look at her now, she's _gorgeous_ –"

"And then Papa and Mama got married and I was properly adopted and we moved away to here," Cosette continues blithely, oblivious to Éponine's crisis. "But it is so nice to see you again, Éponine," she adds, smiling brightly. Marius smiles at all of them in a distinctly soppy manner. 

Enjolras resists the urge to make a face and forces himself to join in the smiling. "Shall we?" he suggests, holding out his hand towards the tables. 

"Yes," Cosette says, taking his arm. They sit down at their table in the corner, and Cosette gives him a small smile. "I must say, you and Éponine make a very charming couple." 

Éponine chokes on her wine and starts hacking. Marius pounds her on the back while Enjolras stares at Cosette in horror. 

"Oh no," he says, "we are definitely _not_ a couple." 

"God forbid," Éponine says hoarsely. 

"Thanks very much," Enjolras says. "Why are we friends again?"

Cosette laughs, a light, tinkling noise that manages to be both tremendously irritating and utterly fitting and sweet. "Marius, you didn't tell me they were funny!"

Enjolras and Éponine exchange confused looks. "Funny?" Éponine says. 

"I mean, I've listened to your show, Enjolras," Cosette says, elegantly unfolding her napkin and settling it over her lap. "So I already knew how _terribly_ intelligent you are. I'm afraid that I'm going to seem quite an idiot to you."

"I – what?" Enjolras has never felt more at sea in his life. "I'm not that smart."

"Oh, don't be modest, Enjolras," Marius says. He has his arm slung casually along the back of Cosette's chair, but he's leaning in towards Enjolras with his usual half-smile. "You're the smartest person I know."

Their waiter chooses that moment to make his appearance, and Enjolras busies himself with the menu while Cosette and Marius listen attentively to the specials. Éponine lifts her menu up to hide her face and leans over to hiss, "What the hell is going on?"

"No idea," Enjolras says. 

The dinner doesn't get any less confusing. Cosette and Marius don't stop gently teasing Éponine and Enjolras, the two of them playing off each other like a 1950s double act. Enjolras doesn't know whether to be offended or charmed. 

The four of them walk back to the bar together, Cosette having tucked her arm into Enjolras while asking him about Occupy Wall Street, and then somehow they end up sharing a pitcher of Sangria at the back booth with Grantaire and Cory while Jeanette blasts French pop music. 

"Well," Éponine says when Enjolras is helping her up the stairs to his apartment, "that was exceptionally weird," and Enjolras is inclined to agree. 

 

Enjolras puts Marius's love life out of his mind after that; Marius seems pleased that they all got along with Cosette. Enjolras has more important things to do anyway, like plot the downfall of capitalism. 

So he's quite put off when he comes downstairs one evening to find Cosette staring at the list of reasons not to like Marius, which is still hanging on the fucking wall. Enjolras pulls up short, fighting back the urge to run away. 

"Hi," he says after a moment. 

Cosette starts and turns. "Enjolras!" she says. "Did you write this?"

"No," Enjolras says. Cosette gives him a look. "Okay, yes. But in my defense, we were very drunk."

"You and Éponine?" guesses Cosette. 

"Yeah." He winces. "Sorry about that."

"No," Cosette says, waving her hand. "It isn't like I didn't guess."

Enjolras blinks at her. "What?"

"I'm sorry to say it, but you aren't very subtle." Cosette pats his arm in a manner that's probably meant to be reassuring. "If it helps any, I'm sure Marius has no idea."

"That's because he's as obtuse as two bricks," says Enjolras. "I believe that's number twenty-three."

Cosette scrutinizes the list again, then laughs. "Indeed it is! I thought that one said 'hicks' at first."

"You aren't going to say anything to him, are you?" Enjolras asks her, a little desperately. 

"No, of course not." She hesitates, chewing on her bottom lip. " _You_ probably should at some point."

"What? But he's dating you!"

Cosette gives him a look that he can't read. "Oh, Enjolras," she says fondly, but she doesn't elaborate. The two of them end up sitting at Enjolras's booth, their computers out while they work on papers. Cosette hums when she's thinking, which Enjolras really doesn't want to find charming but kind of does anyway. It's – nice. 

Enjolras is about ready to go hunt down a printer when his phone rings, the unfortunately familiar number of campus security flashing up on his display. He sighs and picks it up, ready to go bail Grantaire out for being drunk in class again. "Hello?"

"Hello, this is Meg down at the security office," says a cheerful female voice. "Your friend Éponine is down here and she told us to call you."

"What?" Enjolras asks, sitting up straighter. Cosette gives him a concerned look. "What happened?"

"I'm afraid it just says, 'drunk and belligerent,'" Meg says apologetically. "We can't release her unless we have someone sign her out and promise to get her home safely."

"Okay, I'll be there soon," Enjolras says, picking up his jacket. "Thanks." He hangs up and is about to grab his laptop when Cosette lays a hand on his. 

"What is it?" she asks softly. "You look worried."

"Éponine got picked up by campus security," Enjolras says. "I have to go retrieve her."

"Oh!" Cosette gets up as well. "Okay."

Enjolras stares at her in confusion for a moment, then says, "You, um, don't have to come with me."

"Don't be ridiculous," Cosette says briskly, packing up her laptop. "Let's go."

So Enjolras and Cosette, after dropping their things off in Enjolras's apartment, catch the shuttle into campus and trek over to the security office where the smiling Meg hands Enjolras a bunch of paperwork to go over while she fetches Éponine. Enjolras doesn't remember it being this complicated to retrieve someone when they were drunk – lord knows Grantaire has been very badly sloshed on numerous occasions in the past, so Enjolras has ample experience to compare – but he signs his name anyway and passes the papers over. 

"We really suck at this anarchist thing," Enjolras says when Éponine emerges a few minutes later, looking much the worse for wear. "What exactly did you even do?"

Éponine looks shifty. "I may have yelled, 'Fuck the police' at a police officer. And I may have been drunk." She shrugs, cheek dimpling as she tries to hide a smile. "And it may have been Javert."

Cosette gives a delicate shudder. "Please don't talk to me about the Inspector."

Éponine jumps and gives Enjolras a _how dare you_ look before smiling and saying, "Yes, he's quite an –" She looks over at Meg, who is listening with interest. "Enthusiastic enforcer of the law, is he not?"

Cosette sighs. "If that were all, I would not be so –" She shakes her head and gestures them outside. "You see," she says as they start walking back towards the shuttle stop, Éponine leaning heavily against Enjolras, "he and Papa have a very – odd relationship."

"Everyone knows they don't get along," Enjolras interjects. "Javert goes on rants every time your father won't let him punish a student as harshly as he wishes."

"Oh, they get along just fine," Cosette says, rolling her eyes. "They just like to argue." She slips around to Éponine's other side and wraps an arm around her waist. "Let's get her home, shall we?"

Marius is lurking at the bar when they return. His doomed expression lightens considerably when he sees Cosette, and then he sees Éponine. "Oh my goodness, what's happened to her?"

"I'm _fine_ ," Éponine says. To Enjolras's practiced eye, she doesn't seem drunk, more suffering from the very beginnings of a hangover, but she does look unmistakably ragged. "Not even having charges pressed against me."

"We really should get you to bed," Cosette says, taking Éponine's arm. "Enjolras, may I have the keys to your apartment?" 

Enjolras fishes them out and watches as the two girls go upstairs. After a moment, he turns to look at Marius, who is watching him closely. 

"Um," Enjolras says. "Had a bit of a run-in with Javert."

"Ah," Marius says. He chews, very distractingly, on his lower lip for a moment. "Enjolras," he says slowly, "I'm sorry I've been such a – a dick." He gestures vaguely at the list, _which is still on the fucking wall_.

"Look," Enjolras says, "Éponine and I wrote that when we were _very drunk_ –"

"I'm just really bad at expressing what I want," Marius says, and he's – looking up through his eyelashes? "Cosette was the one to make the first move. I kind of just kept staring at her and grinning and then running away."

"I," Enjolras says, frowning, "don't think I know what you're saying?"

"Boys!" Cosette yells, and they both turn to look. She's standing at the top of the stairs, her hands on her hips, and when she sees she has their attention, she asks, "So are you coming?"

Enjolras, now completely bewildered, turns to look at Marius. To his surprise, Marius is grinning hugely. 

"Yes, dear," he calls back, and then he takes Enjolras's hand. 

"Um," Enjolras says. 

"Come on, she'll get tetchy if we don't go now," says Marius peaceably, and he drags Enjolras up the stairs, past a smirking Grantaire, and into Enjolras's apartment. 

 

"Do you think we should take it down?" Enjolras asks Éponine a few weeks later. Some people who had been away when the original list had gone up have newly discovered it and are laughing hysterically, reading bits aloud to the amused bar patrons.

"Nah," Éponine says. "Keeps him in his place." She hooks her chin over his shoulder. "And he doesn't seem to mind."

"True," says Enjolras. He taps the edge of the frame, smiling to himself, then turns and helps Éponine carry their tray of beer to the back table, where Cory and Grantaire and Cosette and Marius and the rest of the ABC club is arguing about their next demonstration. Cosette looks up and smiles before scooting over to make room for Éponine, and Enjolras climbs over Grantaire to sit next to Marius. Grantaire snorts into his wine. 

"All right," Enjolras says, sparing at glare for Grantaire before he takes a look at the list the others had drawn up. "We can't barricade the dining hall again, Gavin, we got in big trouble last time..."


End file.
